did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
