dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
