I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
