would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize