Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
