There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
