In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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