Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
They took my balls.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
