so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
