Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
