a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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