His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
