Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
