I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
