There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
