I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
