I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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