the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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