My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
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