just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
