i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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