I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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