thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
