i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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