A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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