I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize