Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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