Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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