I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
