Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
