we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
