Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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