Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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