I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
