She announced her abortion via fbk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
