all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
God, I missed his penis.
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