you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Plan B is the new Plan A
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
