I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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