Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
