My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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