dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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