awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
