I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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