I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
