So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
