I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
