You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize