he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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