and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize