I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
