Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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