**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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