I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
