I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
