there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
