Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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