So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
