two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize