she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I fill condoms, not promises.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
