Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
