the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
