Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
