then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
