I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Then you guys just all showered together...?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
