she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize