I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
