Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
