well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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