I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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