I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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