made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
