Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
