You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
