he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
